Friday, August 28, 2009

Are You Aware Of My Cause? Wait! Get Back Here!

Like so many celebrities out there, The FooDaddy has decided to help raise awareness of a medical condition he didn't give two shits about before he found out he was afflicted with it.

That's, right! Time to buy some colored ribbons and read the Wikipedia article on hypertension, folks, because this is a serious condition that seriously affects at least one occasionally serious person.

See, hypertensive people are just like you. There is no need to fear them or to shy away from their touch. They're just a little saltier than you are.

They don't need your pity. Some of us will, however, corner you at parties and give you the spoken equivalent of a corny little brochure on the subject.

"Hi! I couldn't help but notice that you were looking at me like I might be salty."


"Oh, don't worry! I get it all the time. I'm used to it now. Did you know that famous actress Marilyn Monroe was hypertensive? That's why her boobs looked like that. And she was famous, so that's definitely a fact you might want to write down."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just that your fly is open."

"It's a side effect of my illness, you insensitive clod. Don't hate me because I'm salty! I deserve to be treated just like everyone else!"

After we deliver our "handi-capable" little speech, we will stomp off in a huff. We will spend the rest of the evening hanging out by a big box of Saltines and enlightening people by making them feel guilty.

So take up the cause. Be hypertensive and proud.


  1. I am glad that you have no exibited the symptom of having your fly down yet. I hope we cought this in time.

  2. Did you say staly, or slaty?


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